I’m sitting here typing this blog post while I really should be thinking about switching off the light and getting some sleep.
Typically, the night before I head back to school, I’m a mess of nervous energy and last-minute worries about having forgotten to complete a form or all my planning. I know I haven’t done all of my planning, so it’s not a worry so much as an admission I need to make – although the students aren’t back until Monday!
I’ve blogged before about the Sunday blues and my attempts to tame them. And while it’s Thursday night not Sunday, the same feelings have manifested themselves inside me. The self-doubt has crept in. It’s stealthy. I hate that about self-doubt.
This year’s blues feel somewhat different to the usual ones. I have been working throughout lockdown, though from a distance (home!) and in a way not at all akin to ‘normal’ (do we even remember what that looks like?). I have not seen the majority of my students since March. It’s now September. Although I have been into school on a couple of occasions, I have not actually taught face to face for so long. The standard worried about having forgotten how to teach could actually be true!
My anxiety is heightened right now, but I do not feel unable to cope. Going to an outdoor Zumba class earlier has really helped me to regulate my emotions. I also started my day with a session at the gym.
However, despite my best efforts, I am here. Yet again. Back to school (work for me!) nerves. I have a million and one things whizzing around in my head. I am certain there will be many moments where I wake in the night, check my clock, and have a panic about not being able to drift back off.
What am I doing differently this year?
- For a start, I am aiming as high as I always would. However, not reaching my own expectations does not make me a failure. It just means I need to tackle things from a different perspective.
- I will qualify as a Level 6 Careers Leader and Careers Adviser at some point during this academic year. I will use my knowledge, skills and understanding to improve outcomes for students.
- Finally, I will continue to work hard, but I will also ensure that there is some me-time built into every single working day. If I am burnt out, the outcomes will not be positive.
Good luck to all other teachers and school staff starting back as well as the students themselves. 2020 has been a strange year for us all, but I am certain that at some point, things will seem brighter. There are positives in every day; we just need to search a little harder sometimes.
