Postpartum Confidence: How To Build (And Keep!) It

Postpartum confidence is a strange creature that lurks and only pops out when you least expect it… or that is what I have found, anyway.

Having a baby fills you with doubt… am I feeding him enough? Is she loved enough? Will I know when my baby needs something? Can I breastfeed in public without anyone staring? Are people looking at me and judging my appearance?

All of those questions have gone through my mind on several occasions after having my three amazing rainbow babies. I can vouch that even doing this for a third time, the confidence does not automatically appear. While I have no problem feeding in public these days (that confidence has remained!), I do undoubtedly worry about other aspects of my life postpartum. Postpartum confidence is something I do not always have a lot of… but there are definitely things you can do to boost yours.

Postpartum Confidence: Body

Hands up… I’m being honest here… I never had a toned, slim body to start with, so the idea that I am lacking confidence in my postpartum body probably seems laughable. I’ve been slated for my appearance from being young, so I’m not in new waters, here. This low self-esteem rears its ugly head every now and then. BUT it seems a little worse this time round. Why? Well, I lost weight during pregnancy and went into hospital to give birth weighing less than I did when I fell pregnant. I also am facing split tummy muscles, also known as diastasis recti, so fitness is a little more challenging than after my previous two pregnancies (well – I am nearly eight years older, I guess!). Oh and the final nail in the coffin is joint pain that I have been reassured is normal and should ease once I stop breastfeeding.

If you’re a regular visitor to my blog, you’ll be aware that I adore going to the beach. It truly is my happy place. Hubby proposed at the seaside (on Cromer Pier), I dip my toes in the water at every opportunity and just being connected to the sea and sand helps to ground me. I have no idea why, but it really does my mental health the world of good. The sea air seems to be great for my asthma and hay fever, too.

When the weather got a little milder and we felt it was time for Little Man to visit the beach for the first time, I must admit that I started to panic a little about what I would wear. Luckily, I had a new cover up dress from Landsend to try out.

Aside from surgery or photoshop, neither of which appeal to me, I knew that I simply had to find a garment that boosted my confidence whilst hiding as much as made me comfortable. I’ve never been one to wear a bikini, regardless of size, weight and age, though I applaud anyone who does. I will wear a swimsuit to the beach, but out of the water, I prefer to wear an extra layer. I adore the colours of this dress. It’s easy to get on and it’s a great length.

Do I still have lumps? Yes!

Do I still have bumps? Yes!

Am I still untoned? Yes!

Am I still unfit? Yes!

Am I a new mum, struggling to juggle everything in life? Yes and yes!

So… it’s about time I gave myself a break. Some people, myself included (at times!), may judge me for my appearance, including my weight. That’s their problem, not mine. If I can find a product that helps me to feel a bit better about myself, I’m going to grab it with both hands and sing from the rooftops about it!

Postpartum Confidence: Parenting

I’m afraid that I don’t really have one great answer to the lack of confidence that being a new mum can bring. I think throughout a child’s life, regardless of their age, you will always be doubting your ability to support them in the best possible ways. However, I do have a few things that might help to ease your worries.

Attend Baby Groups

A sure fire way to discover that your baby not sleeping or your baby not latching properly are not unique problems is to attend a baby group. Other parents might be able to offer advice including suggestions of things to help. Meeting new people can also be useful.

Don’t Consult Dr. Google

Ok, so telling you not to consult Dr. Google at all would be impossible. However, using it less is definitely advisable. If I were to believe everything I’d diagnosed myself with via this means, I would probably not be here now. With every sign, symptom and problem, there are probably several causes and our brains automatically head to the worst on the list, ignoring the more obvious ones. Try to steer clear of this as a form of information. Speak to your health visitor instead.

Thank People For Their Advice

While people generally mean well when offering advice about how things were different in their day, it can leave you feeling upset, hurt, embarrassed and, quite frankly, scared. If we followed the advice of everyone from 40 years ago, this wouldn’t take into account all the advances that have been made since then. We know far more about babies, so their advice is null and void in a large number of cases. Smile and thank people for their advice, rather than fretting about it. If they knew everything, maybe they’d be a health visitor or well-paid expert instead of whatever job they have!

Remember ‘Unique’

We all compare ourselves to others at times, though this is not an approach that helps with confidence in the slightest, especially when it comes to parenting a newborn. Our hormones are all over the place and we will undoubtedly feel like a poor relative compared to some people. It is vital to remember that all babies are unique and the paths they take equally so. Unfortunately, our Little Man has suffered from tongue tie and poor latch as a result. He had terrible colic, too.

Parenting him has been a very different experience compared to my other two children, but rewarding all the same. Am I a worse parent now simply because he cries more? Nope. That’ll be the colic and wind. Am I doing everything wrong because he hasn’t gained weight as we would have liked? Nope! He has just had bad luck when it comes to his first few months… and if I wasn’t doing things correctly, the paediatrician and dietician would have both offered very different advice.

Here’s my take on postpartum confidence and things that might help boost yours. Please remember that the early days are tough, but try to soak in the constant cuddles on the sofa and several feeds a night. Life won’t always be like this and one day, you may well reflect and miss these formative days, weeks and months.