Pregnancy and baby loss awareness are tough subjects to talk about for some people. I understand why, and the Wave of Light can be triggering, too.
When it comes to loss, there are no rights and wrongs, no sides to take, no emotions that are essential. Everyone deals with it and handles the situation in their own way. So, I suppose, how I cope depends entirely on how I’m feeling that day.
Am I a hypocrite when it comes to the Wave of Light?
Perhaps, I am a hypocrite. Some years, I join in and light a candle, remembering the baby that was wished for so much but would never form and be born for it was a complete molar pregnancy. Other years, I abstain, feeling that my remembering what I lost is a daily thing, not an annual event.
Yesterday, I lit my candle.
I wasn’t sure that I would, but I had an overwhelming sense of need. I grabbed the lighter and the nearest candle, lit it, held the jar and felt the warmth penetrate my hands, allowing my emotions to flow despite the tears not doing so.
Yesterday, the house was filled with the laughter and arguing of five children. Yesterday, the house was filled with love. Yesterday, the house was chaotic. Yet, I still felt that yearning for what I lost, for who I had imagined and whose future I had seen the very moment I saw the two lines on the pregnancy test.
Does it make me a hypocrite that I change the way I feel about the Wave of Light? I don’t think so… I think it just proves that grief isn’t a static thing; emotions change and so do I.
How do others feel about the Wave of Light?
While for some, seeing the lit candles being posted on social media may remind them of their trauma, for others, it may allow them that they are not alone in facing this. Again, there is no right or wrong. Individuals can and will have their own thoughts and emotions attached to this.
Yesterday, I read many conflicting accounts on Facebook about how the Wave of Light made them feel.
One lady shared her story of loss and insisted that seeing the candles from family members, friends and complete strangers helped her to cope and made her feel less alone. She also asserted how important she feels it is to have October as an awareness month as it takes away the stigma.
Conversely, another couple shared how, despite their loss being several years ago, they felt social media was just unbearable for them right now. They don’t need a specific day or month where they are forced to share their experience as they are prepared to do that whenever the occasion arises.
My Own Thoughts
As mentioned before, my feelings change. I must say though that when you see people sharing a candle and their stories, it really does emphasise how common miscarriage and baby loss is. When people tell of their pain, ongoing for decades, it is heartening to know that they feel able to talk about these days when perhaps, when it happened, it wasn’t the done thing.
To all of you who have experienced miscarriage or baby loss, perhaps both, I have no words that will bring you comfort, I have nothing to say that will thing the trauma any less painful for you, but please know that you are not alone and never will be, even on the darkest days when it feels like the world has given up on you. Offering love to you all.
You may wish to read some of the following blogs relating to miscarriage and baby loss: